See first review of ‘Arguing With Henry’ on ‘The New Podler Review of Books’
Arguing With Henry is for sale at Amazon and Smashwords
This my first blog. Writing is difficult. Flaubert said that. Or did he? Not so much the writing as trying to get stuff published. Yes, I know what most people would think when they hear someone whining about constant literary rejection. They think, and you can’t really blame them, maybe there’s a pattern here. Maybe this person should be introduced to the concept of ‘being a really bad writer’ that no publisher/agent etc would touch with an extended bargepole.
Well yes, maybe this is the case. But it doesn’t apply to me. You see, the advantage of being a megalomaniac is that it gives you such incredible self-confidence. I have written a bawdy swaggering outrageous (soon to be) bestseller that a callous publishing world has chosen to snub.
It is, of course, all a conspiracy (against me and me alone).
I wouldn’t be at all surprised (us conspiracy theorists use this type of phrase a lot – we call it ‘proof’) if it were communist plot- like Karl Marx’s grave – sorry, old jokes are best.
Sorry, where was I? Ah, the wonders of non-non-drowsy cough medicine. Oh yes…whole world against me…undiscovered genius etc… I’ve written two novels. One is set in prosperous late 1990s Ireland and the other, a prequel, is set in poor mid 1980s Ireland.
I’ll let you pause for a nanosec to gasp in admiration Yes, I know, what an original idea. You see, in Ireland people were once very poor, then quite rich, and now quite poor again. Nobody but me has so far discovered the comic possibilities of this national tragedy. Undeterred by the fact that they are now insulating attics and dog kennels with remaindered copies of tomes on the same subject, I have put one of my books up online and am, Ozymandias-like awaiting reaction. I am not deterred by the fact that I am one of the only 10 remaining literate (not always a prerequisite I’ll grant you) adults in Ireland who has not yet had a book published.
So, there it is. At least if you put it ‘out there’ people can see it and read it. This is something many (but not all) publishers/agents are reluctant to do. Now I can understand that they are busy, but this reluctance is akin to a brain surgeon saying ‘I love my job, it’s just the opening up people’s heads and poking around inside bit that I hate.”
This week’s ‘Things not to say’:
If you are (like me) a journalist, never , ever preface anything with “As a journalist….. or “As a journalist I feel it is my duty….” This will invariably cause the pretentious glittery seismograph to explode, and could in certain cases result in instant death.
Also, never ever, especially when queueing for a plane, say “You have to hand it to Michael O’Leary after all…why I remember in 1988 I paid a hundred and fifty quid each way to London…now admittedly Aer Lingus did give me a free reheated sausage…” Such statements automatically give the
victim licence to use the patented sock of wet manure recommended by Woody Allen for dealing with bores in cinema queues.
Next week…new campaign launched to stop people saying: “hold on…back up the truck there a minute.”